Even though the average age of the first sexual experience tends to decrease, some young men and women still choose sexual abstinence. It’s the case of Clemence, 26, who prefers to wait to make love with the man of her life.

Virginity refers to the state of a man/woman who has never had sexual intercourse. In our increasingly permissive society, teenagers tend to have sex earlier. However, some people choose to remain a virgin into their adulthood. It can be either a real problem due to excessive shyness or an overwhelming fear of sexuality or a well-assumed choice related to religious or personal reasons.

Clemence, 26, tells us why she decided to remain a virgin until she finds true love.

“I’m 26 years old and I’m still a virgin. It has nothing to do with fear or anguish. It’s just that for me, love implies a total commitment. Even if my decision is related to my Christian faith, it’s more of a moral, personal choice. As a Christian, I’m supposed not to take advantage of people around me. I feel like having sex with someone I don’t love enough to marry wouldn’t be right. It would be like using someone to get pleasure and having fun, but nothing more.

Not long ago, I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t fully share my values even though he was a Christian. He told me that he respected my decision to remain a virgin until I got married. Even though none of his previous girlfriends where like that, he never tried to make me change my mind. However, he didn’t really understand how I felt. He told me that we could “do things while keeping my hymen intact!” I don’t care about my hymen! I don’t consider it a holy piece of skin or anything. It’s probably broken anyway because I’ve been riding horses for years. I think it’s a bit hypocritical to “do stuff” while maintaining the hymen so that the sheet be stained with blood on the wedding night.

This guy left me about two months ago. In the beginning I was feeling terribly guilty because of this no-sex relationship I had imposed on our couple. I felt bad thinking that maybe I should have had sex with him. That’s probably what he wanted even though he never voiced it after I told him I wanted to remain a virgin until I got married. But now that I look back on it, I think that we probably wouldn’t have stayed together anyway for several other reasons. I would have felt even worse if I had flinched because in the end, he wouldn’t have been the man of my life. Now I’m more willing to wait than ever. I’ll wait to “merit” the man I’ll marry and commit to him in front of God and man.

I also think that waiting to have sex affects the couple in a positive way. With my former lover, I’ve noticed that, when we kissed or when I gave him a hug, I was trying to benefit from his tenderness more than providing him with mine. I was more of a taker than a giver. I feel like being with someone and waiting to make love allows one to get to know him/her better and learn how to really give oneself to the other.

Most of my friends share my values. We’re all virgins but we don’t talk about it much. Not because it’s a taboo subject but because it’s not an issue for us. We rather talk about love in general, about how to find true love, how to make sure he/she is the one etc.

So I don’t wonder when I’ll loose my virginity that much. I know it will happen when I truly commit to the man I love. The question that keeps nagging at me is: “Who will be the one I’ll love enough to do that?”

Tags: Our Story, Relationships //